The Secret to True Connection

I was once friends with a girl who kept her life very private. I never really knew when she was struggling or how her life was at home. She’d tell me about her latest boy crush and their brief, flirty text messages—but nothing more. We’d call ourselves “best friends” but I didn’t have a clue about her past. I couldn’t tell you what made her, well, her. Being the person I was, she knew a little bit more about me—but when it came to the skeletons in my closet, I only gave her a peek. I never felt safe to open myself up.

You Can Trust Jesus with Your Pain

Vulnerability is something lots of people struggle with. But being vulnerable and having vulnerability is very important in life. Don’t be fearful in life! Instead, bring your problems and hurt to the feet of Jesus, and He will heal you! Don’t build a wall around yourself, your heart, or your life. Don’t push people away because you’re afraid of getting hurt. I saw the importance of vulnerability on a show once. There were two sisters, and they lost their mother when they were really young. When they grew up, the younger sister was in a relationship with someone and, in a way, avoiding him and pushing him away.

Being Vulnerable Doesn’t Make You Weak

I’m a crier. If I have to talk about hard stuff, you can bet tears will be shed. However, if I’m not in the mood to cry, the walls stay up and I hold back. Let’s be real though, who is ever WANTING to cry? The bottom line here, honestly, is I don’t want people to think of me as weak or broken—so, I don’t cry. I don’t let them in. Vulnerability seems to come naturally to me—in some areas. I am realizing now I keep certain spaces of life secret and hidden away. I can’t seem to bring myself to publicly talk about the things that are hurting me most right now.

How Vulnerability Saved My Life

For me, there was no way to write this article without adequately paying homage to the master of understanding and embracing vulnerability: Brené Brown. Four years ago, I was sitting in the office of a psychologist as he tried to break down my outer protective shell and figure out exactly why I was there. Sure, I felt out of control, was dating someone who was damaging my mental and physical health, and was working over 30 hours a week plus taking a 19-credit course load, but “I was fine.” Sitting in the doctor’s office that first day, I was so nervous. He told me to look up a researcher/storyteller/general badass named Brené Brown and that she had a particularly great Ted Talk about vulnerability.

Why Vulnerability is Worth the Risk

There is a cost to this life. A cost to relationships. A cost to connection. A cost to being human. Vulnerability comes with risk. The risk of rejection. The risk of betrayal. The risk of disappointment. There is a quote from one of Beth Moore’s studies that has always stuck with me. She was having a conversation with her daughter about God and her daughter said, “He knows it is hard to be us.” That has always stuck with me. God knows it is hard to be us. Jesus walked this earth as a man. He struggled. He was tempted. He knew pain. He knew what it was like to be betrayed by a close friend, to be denied by one of his best friends.

Own Your Pain, You Will Survive It

I loathe conflict. I don't like people disliking me. I don't like to argue. I don't like to put myself in situations where I know I would be judged. I figure life has plenty of drama on its own—why seek it out? So, I dodge certain people in grocery aisles and delete typed responses to social media debates because I'm not about to march right under someone's microscope. I'm an introvert and an avoider, and I am fully aware of it. What I wasn't aware of was how honesty and transparency can throw you into the line of fire even faster than a good ol' opinionated comment. I avoided the spotlight, but telling my everyday stories to supermarket clerks and new acquaintances made the focus burn twice as bright.

Series Introduction: Vulnerability

Therapists have been stereotyped for years. The media often portrays them as inconsiderate, nosey, pretentious moneymakers with stiff couches and even more uncomfortable questions. This illusion convinces us that if we are to even think about seeing a therapist, you should think again. I believe there is this misconception that seeking counseling is taboo, and when the words, “My therapist says…” spill from someone’s mouth, judgment is there, trailing closely behind. I’m here to tell you, seeking help from a therapist is one of the best decisions you could ever make.

Being Vulnerable is Actually Beautiful

The most beautiful people aren’t those who always come across as confident, successful and put together. True beauty can be found in the moments when a long day finally gets the best of you and you allow yourself to have a full-on breakdown. True beauty is admitting you made a mistake and accepting the fallout. True beauty lies in the moments when you embrace your faults and accept the fact that you’ll never fully live up to other’s standards. Because letting yourself be vulnerable is just as hard as achieving the perfect winged eyeliner or molding your body to fit into a size two.

Current Blog series: Purpose