You Don’t Owe It to Anyone

Do you remember those interest inventories from high school? If not, I apologize. My mid-thirties might be showing. This was in the dark age before the time of online quizzes and social media questionnaires. These inventories would prompt you to fill in bubbles to answer questions about which activities you preferred. I would always skew my answers a bit toward things that sounded medical because I was pretty sure I’d look fine in a doctor’s coat. So, following my slight cheating, all those questions would lead to a super technical graph showing the jobs you should pursue.

Finding Purpose in Our Daily Lives

I wish I could write a beautiful, compelling piece about the achievement of purpose. I wish I could tell you that if you just worked hard enough, believed strongly enough, and persevered long enough, your purpose would fall into place. I wish I could tell you of my own personal success story to inspire you to continue to believe for your own. But I can’t. I have read the books, attended the conferences, and taken the assessments. I have done the hard work. I have prayed and believed.

The Silver Lining in 2020

Let me be the millionth person to say it: 2020 has been a rollercoaster of a year. Whether or not you were personally affected by the worldwide pandemic, terrified of killer hornets or maddened by the ungodly amount of political ads, I think we can all agree that this year was unexpected. Now, with only a day left in 2020, I can’t help but think about the ways that this sour lemon of a year turned into a truly delicious lemonade. Prior to 2020, I was moving through life, just doing what had to be done to get by and follow through on my responsibilities. I was unhappy, anxious and sometimes resembled something of a zombie.

Series Introduction: Perspective

Between long nights, isolation and crumpled tissues on the floor, there is something about this year that feels like a false reality—a surreal blur, a blip in the radar. When I sit back and reflect, part of me can’t help but ask, “Did that really happen?” It’s odd to think that everything we have gone through in 2020 we have gone through together. We’re fighting in the same war, but each facing our own battles. That’s something extraordinarily rare. We have all seen our own share of heartbreak and struggle, yet we can find solace in the common threads that have bound us to each other.

Things You Can Put Your Heart Into

It is so easy to expect too much of yourself. You may carry the weight of obligation or expectation. You may live your life thinking about how your existence appears on the outside. Though some may say this is shallow or dishonest, it really comes from a deep desire to be enough; a desire for someone to dismiss your flaws and instead, find inspiration in your path. If you’re anything like me, you get in over your head way too fast. You want people, family and friends to like you, admire you, and be unconditionally proud of you. And, to do that, you think you have to do it all or at least do the best, most impressive parts.

Restore Your Rest, Sis

When it comes to slowing down, I am no expert. I love the hustle and bustle of life. There’s something so thrilling about rush hours at my work… I am drawn to the little adrenaline rush that comes with a long line of people buzzing about, all in a jumbled line waiting for their turn to order a midday cup of caffeinated goodness. There is also something so special about the quiet moments, the few seconds or hour stretches where no one comes in so my coworkers and I can clean up shop, catch a breath, and stock our supplies.

Series Introduction: Simplify

Around this time of year I become reminiscent of all things cozy and warm and perfectly fall. Chunky sweaters, changing leaves, chilly nights in the backyard with friends, crackling fires, pumpkin-scented candles, fuzzy socks, rust orange hues, and priceless time with loved ones. November is one of my favorite months because I feel like it takes me back—back to the simpler times of childhood and uncircumstantial happiness. That’s what I want to find this November. I want to take it back to when times were light and easy, and the only thing I had to worry about was what I’d carve into my pumpkin.

Make Room and Pull Up a Chair

If my brain was a room, I’d be nominated for one of those hoarding shows where there are 50 years worth of newspapers stacked high and 600 ceramic cats scattered everywhere. There is so much going on all the time, except for the moments when it’s so overwhelming that I just don’t do anything at all. Adulthood can be intimidating and every woman I know has a tendency to feel like there is too much on their plate. Still, many of us are pros at carrying five plates on each arm and managing a smile while it’s all falling apart. But it most definitely sucks some days, right?

Taking A Wrecking Ball to the Walls You've Put Up

For a long time, I lived under a huge misconception umbrella. I had learned to be independent, support myself and deal with issues (just) well enough that I didn’t completely lose my mind. Because of this, I denied myself the ability to make real connections with the world and people around me. I threw up those 20-foot-tall emotional walls that we all know and love. The millennial devil on my shoulder likes to blame my tendencies of keeping people out on the fact that I’m a Capricorn. But in all reality, I couldn’t tell you what made me keep everyone at an arm’s length for so long. It just happened.

Becoming Unstuck

Before we dive in, I think we need to understand the perspectives we have on making room in our lives. Some of us may hear the words “make room” and become overwhelmed by a list of all the things we need to get rid of, while others hear an opportunity to start fresh. I don’t think one is right while the other is wrong, but instead believe we should partner these perspectives if we desire to do the things we want to do, rather than constantly feeling stuck in what we have to do. In order to make room in our lives, we must first begin learning about ourselves and our perspectives.

Criticism is Key

If there’s one thing I have let myself believe I have the ability to accept and make space for in my life—but I actually shut down, and sometimes fail at accepting—is receiving constructive criticism. Hearing what others think you could do to improve is somehow so tough. Even if they are coming from a place of love and understanding, it does not make it any easier. At least not for me. Over the years, I have learned to justify my mistakes. I like to explain myself, be heard, and then have the advice be retracted.

Series Introduction: Make Room

Do you ever find yourself wishing for longer weekends, more hours in the day, or the ability to stop time? And, if those were possible, maybe you’d be happier, more fulfilled? The truth is none of it is realistic. The saying, “If I only had more time” is a hoax. We will never have more time than we do right now. The 24 hours we have been given in a day is all we will ever get. Period. While we may wish for the clock to stop or rewind, it never will. The world will keep turning and time will go on—with or without us.

Picking up the Pieces

You know that feeling when you actually feel nothing at all? When you’ve been beat to a pulp and your emotions suddenly stop? Where it seems as if every tear shed and every dark space you occupied literally drained the life out of you? I’ve been there. While it’s nice for a moment to not feel a single thing, it is absolutely terrifying to think I must have been through enough to where nothing could phase me anymore. Gosh, that makes me tremble. Believe me, I know the brokenness of this world will never rest. We will forever be at odds with the forces of nature that try to bring us down.

Think Big Picture

The art of living is the messy and painful moments dancing with the glorious and exhilarating moments. It’s the mundane and the meaningful. What makes life so artful is how beautifully each piece of our day to day lives fit together to form a picture of who each of us are. Sometimes, when I look at my life up close, it seems so ugly that it cannot be adding up to the something spectacular I used to dream up for myself. For instance, when I decide to wear all white to work just to splatter several shots of espresso across the ensemble. Or, when I think I’ve got my temper figured out, I blow up at my husband for not telling me to have sweet dreams before we fall asleep…true story, YIKES.

Embracing Your 18-Year-Old Self (and all of her mistakes)

I sat with these questions for a while and decided a good place to start uncovering this mystery would be my own experience and my iPhone’s camera roll—I kid you not, I have nearly 44,000 photos and videos on my phone, dating back to the summer of 2013. Armed with seven years worth of memories and Bon Iver on shuffle, I dove into a former version of myself. I started tracking back to me at 18. Hard worker, naïve, total choir nerd, feverishly in love and ready for the next phase of life. Graduating high school, starting college, watching the transformation of my total being begin.

Series Introduction: The Art of Living

Lately, my “living” has been anything but artful—and as I walk through one of the darkest seasons of my life, I wonder how on earth do I write about this? About five minutes ago, I thought it wasn’t possible. But, then I read these words by Morgan Harper Nichols again and it’s as if the beauty of life washed over me—reminding me that this darkness is temporary and the sun still shines. When I think about “the art of living” I feel it’s not a one-size-fits-all idea, concept or lifestyle. It’s all the beauties, joys, laughs, adventures, and glimmers of magic that light your soul on fire.

The Hopeful Heart

It has been five months since I have actually seen my husband Andy. He is in a nursing home and the doors have been closed to visitors since March. Don’t get me wrong—I was in favor of this decision and I still am, but it’s surreal to think just how long it’s been. During this time, hope has been the one constant I’ve held onto. Without it, there’s no way I could give my husband or my family what they need. Initially, the nursing home was not required to test their employees unless they were symptomatic. At the beginning of April, our family started to receive phone calls each week notifying us of positive cases amongst the residents.

Braving the Unknown

Flashback to January 2020: I was in Utah for the Sundance Film Festival with my best friend and all we could talk about was the fact that 2020 would be our year—we would accomplish our greatest goals and find our true path in life. Only two months later, everything began to change. The world was hit with a pandemic and everyone’s lives were affected for the worse in one way or another. Unemployment, sickness, distanced from the people we loved the most. In the blink of an eye, we were all shaken from our everyday routines and forced to face a new reality.

They're Just Temporary Weights

Our picture perfect 1930’s charmer of a home decided to leave us a gift Monday morning—a stinky, wet gift. Our sewer line was leaking from our upstairs bathroom into our basement. For the first time in my life, I was starting to believe that Mondays really are bad days…I was getting fed up. Reflecting on other recent mishaps and getting stuck in the murkiness of our current stressors was doing me no good. I kept thinking of how well I’d been composing myself, how proud I was of myself for not blowing up in any of these unfortunate moments like I may have in the past.

Series Introduction: Holding onto Hope

I see you. You are not hidden—and goodness, you are so strong. Has anyone ever told you that? I know each new day brings its challenges—but I see you. I do. You’re pushing through the tears, whispering affirmations under your breath, doing whatever it takes to carry on. I know the chaos around you creates unwanted, unwelcome noise. So, you shut it out. You lie there, curled up in a ball in the middle of your bed, wondering if you got up and put on your brave face then would everything be OK? That’s normal. I get it. I’ve been there. I am there.

Current Blog series: Purpose