How Changing My Perspective Made Me a Better Mom

I was done. There I was, staring into the face of a 5-year-old boy who would not listen. We had been in this place many times. I would ask him not to do something and within the hour, he had done it. I could not understand why he wouldn’t listen. His brothers listened. Not all the time, but definitely more often than he did. I remember yelling at that little face while he looked back at me with eyes that seemed to not understand. He said, “I didn’t disobey. I don’t understand why you’re mad.” What couldn’t he understand?!?! I had clearly communicated what I wanted. Why did he not obey?

Things You Can Put Your Heart Into

It is so easy to expect too much of yourself. You may carry the weight of obligation or expectation. You may live your life thinking about how your existence appears on the outside. Though some may say this is shallow or dishonest, it really comes from a deep desire to be enough; a desire for someone to dismiss your flaws and instead, find inspiration in your path. If you’re anything like me, you get in over your head way too fast. You want people, family and friends to like you, admire you, and be unconditionally proud of you. And, to do that, you think you have to do it all or at least do the best, most impressive parts.

Love is a Choice

Love. We all want to feel loved. We want that feeling of joy and acceptance when someone else chooses us and wants to spend time with us. We want the tingles and the goosebumps of new love. We want the steadiness and the consistency of old love. We want love to be easy. We want to wake up in the morning and FEEL loved. It is one thing to FEEL loved, but it is another thing to KNOW you are loved. I KNOW, in my head, God loves me. I have been told it over and over and over since the day I was born. But, sometimes, I don’t FEEL loved. Things happen in life that cause me to FEEL unloved and forgotten.

Unrefined, but Loved, Creation in Progress

There are dozens of versions of me I imagined as a child. Research scientist, doctor, gymnast, and a dozen more before I graduated high school. Even when I thought I had figured things out in college, my path changed again. The older I got, the more reality hit, and the more I worried I would see myself as a disappointment. I wasn't in med school. I wasn’t on my way to six figures. I didnt know how to reconcile the dreams I had as a kid with the reality of my desires and abilities as an adult. How could I look at myself in the mirror if I just became "this?” Who would care about the girl who does "that" for a living?

Adornment Isn't a Requirement

Sometimes, I think back to my college years, and I really want to apologize to my hair. In those days, I would never leave my dorm room without my hair and makeup done; sometimes, fixing and touching up my look multiple times a day. I was so convinced, on a campus where half of the population showed up to class in their pajamas, that I needed to look put together at all times. I have a little bit of an idea why I did this to myself and why so many of us put ourselves through so much beauty torture. Since we’re all friends here, I’ll let you in on a secret. I’m super self-conscious.

A Glimpse of Eternal Love in Earthly Ways

I pondered the thought, “What relationship in my life is worth sharing?” And to be honest I was more so stumped because every relationship I have ever had in my life is vital to the transformation I have gone through to get me to where I am today. Friendships have turned into sisterhood. Enemies have taught me how to love even the tough people. Family members have encouraged me through all the steps of this life. My boyfriend has shown me pure, tangible love. So where do I begin? How do I pinpoint a single relationship that has shaped me when they all have?

A Perfect Father Who Always Knows Best

For as long as I can remember, I wanted a family. I grew up as an only child, and I was determined to give my kids plenty of siblings, a pristine home, and a golden retriever just like Comet from "Full House." I was so certain this dream fit who I was — and I held onto it into adulthood. Fast forward to my late 20s, and I'm ready to have my perfect little picture. Fairly quickly, God let me know my plans weren't His.

Series Introduction: Relationships

No matter how introverted you can be, you need relationships. At the very core of who we are, is this need for community, fellowship and belonging. As humans, we cannot fully exist without the connection another human brings to the soul. Yes, most of us are very capable on our own but after some time, we need to feel the love of another. Whether it’s a romantic interest you’ve sought after or simply a stranger you hit it off with at the supermarket, you and I need relationships.

The Crown of Motherhood

As I sit by the pool and watch my children play frisbee, I am so thankful I wear the crown of motherhood. It has not been an easy crown, but it has been so worth it. I first put on this crown almost 16 years ago as my oldest son entered the world. His delivery almost killed him, but God’s grace is bigger than a doctor’s human error. People used to ask if he was a good baby and I never really knew how to answer.

Embracing Life’s Unexpected Crowns

My husband Aaron and I were so excited and full of anticipation as the tech started the ultrasound. We were pregnant with our third child. We had two beautiful girls already and I found myself secretly hoping for a baby boy. I was consumed with knowing and had anticipated this day for quite some time — all 21 weeks of pregnancy! We loved the natural approach to childbirth and pregnancy, fully believing I was born for this motherhood role. Our midwife always gave us an option of having an ultrasound, it wasn’t mandatory. I had to know who this little baby was going to be!

Embrace the Ankle Weights

I remember it so well. Mom and dad’s face showing such confusion as I told them what my Christmas present request was. They both replied at the same time, “Are you serious? Ankle weights?” Before you think I was a little weirdo, let me explain. I was in eighth grade and obsessed with getting better at volleyball. I was a side hitter, so I wanted to be able to jump as high as possible. The higher you were, the better you would hit that ball. I can almost feel it all over again!

Trouble in the Tight Places

Have you ever been in a tight spot? Awakened one day to find yourself in some kind of trouble? If you’re anything like me, I imagine you’ve answered yes. Absolutely yes, a hundred times over, yes.

Current Blog series: Purpose