Picking up the Pieces

You know that feeling when you actually feel nothing at all? When you’ve been beat to a pulp and your emotions suddenly stop? Where it seems as if every tear shed and every dark space you occupied literally drained the life out of you? I’ve been there. While it’s nice for a moment to not feel a single thing, it is absolutely terrifying to think I must have been through enough to where nothing could phase me anymore. Gosh, that makes me tremble. Believe me, I know the brokenness of this world will never rest. We will forever be at odds with the forces of nature that try to bring us down.

Series Introduction: Finding Strength

He had just broken my heart and left me to pick up the pieces. I pleaded with him to come back, to talk, to work things out—he wouldn’t. I told myself it wasn’t real, that he was just confused, that he’d come crawling back to me—he never did, and at the time, that killed me. I was a sophomore and still trying to figure out the whole college thing. I hadn’t really had the chance to buckle down and get serious about my education because I was too busy focusing on him, on our relationship, on making sure I was enough. The minute that relationship was pulled out from under me, I had a choice to make—would I grovel in self-pity or would I chase my own success?

Three Habits that Heal a Broken Heart

In this life, it is inevitable that we will experience heartbreak. Rejection. Abandonment. Loss. Death. Offense. It doesn’t matter how many walls we put up around our hearts or how hard we try to keep ourselves from being hurt, the reality is that someday, someone will sneak past those barriers and break our hearts. The question is not if we will be hurt, but how will we handle it when our hearts are broken. Learning to heal from heartbreak is an important part of life. If we don’t learn how to heal, we will walk through life oozing brokenness and hurt on those in our lives who did nothing to deserve it.

Healing isn't a Pretty Process, That's OK

I have this fun, internal friend named, Anxiety. At its worst, it has a way of isolating me from everything I care about. I can feel like my brain is buzzing but still be too exhausted to get off of the couch. It has stolen many moments from me over the last few years, but wounds are finally healing and battle scars are forming. There have been times I have felt completely at the will of my own surplus of adrenaline, and it has been terrifying. I have felt broken and insane. But the worst part was feeling like I was unusual. There are a lot of ways I want to be unique, but feeling one-of-a-kind in pain is just devastatingly isolating.

He Restores the Brokenhearted

I didn’t know it had come back so hard. I hadn’t prepared my head or my heart because all I could process was that just a month, ONE MONTH before this, doctors had given her the go to announce she was in remission. ONE MONTH ago we were redreaming of her finally coming to join me in high school. We imagined Sadie Hawkins dances and late nights and getting our drivers licenses the following year. Nothing had pointed to this outcome. I can remember the loss for words. The loss of breath. I dropped my phone out of my hand and wept for the remaining hours of my drive from Utah to Nevada with my mom holding me in the back seat of the car.

Series Introduction: Healing

Valentine’s Day was a helluva lot different when we were kids. There was no romance or expensive dinners. We only knew how to decorate tissue boxes and exchange cheesy cards. There was no pressure or expectation to shower our SO with gifts and acts of love—let alone ask someone to be our “Valentine.” The idea of a boyfriend made us cringe and go, “Eww, cooties!” If we’re honest, we didn’t even want anything to do with boys. That sweet, blinded innocence disappeared with age and in its place nested insecurity and loneliness. Heart-shaped candies no longer made us smile and red roses became a sad reminder. If we didn’t already feel dreadfully alone every other day of our lives, Valentine’s Day was our downward spiral.

4 Ways to Let Go of Comparison and Hold onto Joy

How often our thoughts are consumed with the belongings and blessings we lack. What we don’t have, another does — that’s just the way the world works. But, we grow consumed with the idea, in order to be happy in life, we must have everything we desire — even if it isn’t for us. So, we bow down to envy and unleash this terribly ugly part of ourselves we should have just kept hidden to begin with. And, all for what? So deep down we can feel better about our life because we’re at least “holding onto” a dream or goal that sure looks good on someone else — so naturally, it’d look good on us.

Curbing Loneliness with Fake Love

I allowed my loneliness to lower my standards when it came to men. I mended my heartbreak with any bit of attention that would come my way — it didn’t take much for a guy to mysteriously wrap me around his sneaky little finger. But, as you can imagine, any kind of relationship built on a rocky foundation of settling and fragility never ends well. I continuously set myself up for rejection, hurt and loss of interest. In the midst of my loneliness, I allowed myself to experience unhealthy bouts of fake “love” because in my head it was better than being alone.

Current Blog series: Purpose