I see you. You are not hidden—and goodness, you are so strong. Has anyone ever told you that? I know each new day brings its challenges—but I see you. I do. You’re pushing through the tears, whispering affirmations under your breath, doing whatever it takes to carry on. I know the chaos around you creates unwanted, unwelcome noise. So, you shut it out. You lie there, curled up in a ball in the middle of your bed, wondering if you got up and put on your brave face then would everything be OK? That’s normal. I get it. I’ve been there. I am there.

Reveal Yourself

This is the mindset getting me through this season. Not the news headlines. Not the change of pace in my day-to-day life, or the fact that I will most certainly go stir crazy considering I won’t be working for the next few weeks. I am not defined by staying home or "not helping to provide” when circumstances are outside of my control. I am defined by what is constant in my life. The unchanging. Since I fully believe accepting Christ as my savior means He lives within my heart and has made me new, I carry Him with me always. So, if the never-changing Father that is God lives within me, He is the consistency that runs through me always.

Series Introduction: Mind Over Matter

I understand we’re all wired differently and this is an absolutely difficult time for all of us—how we handle it or what we’re feeling will vary person to person. But, at the end of the day, we all have the same choice to make; how much of ourselves are we willing to give up, as we give into fear and anxiety? I’m not telling you to avoid emotional breakdowns—they’re going to happen and it’s OK to feel whatever it is you’re feeling right now. However, I am telling you to filter your feelings and guard your heart. Choose which thoughts you breathe life into and which ones you sever.

Healing isn't a Pretty Process, That's OK

I have this fun, internal friend named, Anxiety. At its worst, it has a way of isolating me from everything I care about. I can feel like my brain is buzzing but still be too exhausted to get off of the couch. It has stolen many moments from me over the last few years, but wounds are finally healing and battle scars are forming. There have been times I have felt completely at the will of my own surplus of adrenaline, and it has been terrifying. I have felt broken and insane. But the worst part was feeling like I was unusual. There are a lot of ways I want to be unique, but feeling one-of-a-kind in pain is just devastatingly isolating.

3 Mantras to Consciously Choosing Patience Over Anxiety

Being patient is not something I’ve ever been good at. Whether that’s because I’m a Capricorn or just because I’m a generally anxious person, we’ll never really know why I struggle to be patient and let fate work its magic. We live in a world where you can have the answer to just about any question in 30 seconds or less (thanks, Google!). A world where you can get an online degree in a matter of months, a world where you can find your next love interest with a few swipes on your mobile phone. With all of this power, how is anyone supposed to learn how to be truly patient nowadays?

Peace in the Eye of the Storm

I used to think I was a pretty peaceful person who took the chaos of other people’s lack of peace as it came at me. But, in this current season of life, I have been very unsettled by things happening in the lives of those closest to my heart — as well as within myself. All sorts of feelings have been stirred up that have resulted in an overwhelming sensation of anxiousness. I cry even more than I normally do, which was already nearly every day. I scream at the top of my lungs at God when I am driving. I cannot even sit through a full day of ministry school without abruptly leaving to go battle out my frustrations elsewhere. I don’t want to specify exactly what trials are hitting against the walls of my heart, but I will say they have caused me to question my Heavenly Father.

The Day I Traded Peace for Panic, and How I Got it Back

My heart was racing. I couldn’t catch my breath. What was happening? Was I having a heart attack? I’m in my thirties, and I’m a runner —certainly my heart is fine. But why can’t I breathe? I took my phone into the closet and frantically searched Google for the signs of a heart attack. What I found made me feel better and worse all at the same time. Thankfully, I was not having a heart attack! Unfortunately, I was having a panic attack. I had never experienced this before. I laid on the floor and focused on breathing in deep, trying to get this horrible feeling to pass. Life was so out of control. We had just made our second big move in three years. Starting over again. New friends. New jobs. New places. I was just beginning to feel settled in our last town, and now I needed to start all over.

Series Introduction: Peace

Experiencing solitude among nature, or creating a space for personal relaxation are my go-to solutions for feeling at rest. In a world where anxiety and immediacy rule, it’s often difficult to find true, long-lasting, genuine peace. Thankfully, I don’t tend to carry much worry or anxiety with me. But, in high-stress situations, I usually let peace fall to the wayside. Here, my circumstances steal my composure and I’m led by an anxious space of my soul known for not seeing things clearly. Stress clouds our judgment and hinders our ability to see a situation for what it truly is. Often times, we dig ourselves into a worry pit that was never initially there. Yet, we continue to grab the shovel and allow the littlest of things to take us deeper into the dirt.

Displacing Worry with Thanksgiving

Worry knows no bounds, limits or exceptions. Each and every one of us experiences worry — for some, it’s every single day. One moment we’re cool as a cucumber, the next we’re such a hot mess it’s a wonder we survive the day without blurting out four-letter words. OK, maybe we don’t… it’s fine, no one is perfect. But, worry and anxiety is a beast. It consumes every thought, and sometimes our actions. You might be asking, “Nikki how does worry tie into thankfulness?” Bear with me, I promise I’m getting there. I recently attended a ladies night at a local church and the amazing woman on stage discussed peace in reference to Philippians 4. She touched on this chapter with perspectives and teachings I’ve never heard before.

Once a Victim, Now a Victor

Roughly three years ago, I faced one of the darkest times of my life. I was finishing up college in a beautiful mountain town just two hours from home. I flourished here. I found out a lot about myself I hadn’t known before and I felt so strong, so independent. Then, one night, everything changed. I am struggling to tell you this because this is a story I have never told publicly — and most definitely never in writing in such detail. But, Crowned Chics is a place for honesty and I promise to always communicate with you in a real way. OK, here it goes…

Fighting for Happiness Amidst Anxiety

I am a firm believer that you cannot fully enjoy life without struggle. After all, the struggle makes the good parts in life that much better. While attending Northern Arizona University, I ran into a lot of mental health issues. Long days of classes, homework, work, and bad relationships quietly snuck up on me and before I knew it, I was in a downward spiral I couldn’t make my way out of. Restless nights and constant knots in my stomach kept me from seeing things clearly and everyone around me knew there was something deeper going on — especially my parents. After sitting down one spring afternoon and opening up to them about my current struggles, it was clear I needed help.

The 'Why' Behind the Struggle

I’ve always been a worrier. Even when I was little, I would periodically go through different habits and quirks that helped me deal with the anxious feelings I experienced. It didn’t feel like anything abnormal, so I never considered it a unique issue. I worried. So what? I dealt with it. Well, then, I had my first panic attack. In May of 2017, just hanging out at my house, I started to feel like something was wrong. I was shaking, I felt all tingly, and my heart rate seemed to be racing. I was convinced my heart was giving out or something similar.

Trouble in the Tight Places

Have you ever been in a tight spot? Awakened one day to find yourself in some kind of trouble? If you’re anything like me, I imagine you’ve answered yes. Absolutely yes, a hundred times over, yes.

Current Blog series: Purpose