If You're Hurting, Please Read This...
BY: NIKKI MICHELLE CHARNSTROM
Opening yourself up to another can be a frightening endeavor, especially if you’ve experienced hurt. Any relationship, no matter the dynamic, has the possibility of heartbreak. That’s simply the way of the world. Humanity is not perfectly kind — nor, will it ever be. So, you might be reading this and recalling some of the most painful moments of a relationship. Perhaps those negative feelings are beginning to rise up again — or, you’ve made peace with it and moved on. Wherever you find yourself right now, you know what it’s like to ache at the hand of another.
So, how do we continue to be a vessel of love if our hearts have been dragged through the mud, stepped on, and shattered into a thousand pieces? We can’t afford to miss out on the amazingly beautiful moments found in a relationship — so, we tell our hearts to try again.
The road to healing isn’t an easy one and sometimes, it feels like it might never end. Yet, I’m here to tell you just how strong you are. Your brokenness brings forth wonderful things, don’t be ashamed of it — work through it. Let me provide you with some encouraging methods and words of truth to help you through this journey of heart restoration.
No One Knows Just How You Feel, But They Do Care
When someone you love betrays your trust, those closest to you surround you with support. Embrace their display of empathy and rest in it. It’s natural to long for someone to understand your pain to its fullest capacity, but be careful not to let it hinder the source of love they offer. It doesn’t matter how deeply connected you are with that person because when it comes down to it, they simply aren’t you. It was YOU who gave of your time and energy only to see it thrown to the wind. You know better than anyone else how you feel and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean someone won’t sympathize with you, it just means you can release them from the expectation that they’re going to feel the way you feel. So, even if they don’t always say the right thing, appreciate their efforts to comfort you because they do truly care.
Your Pain is Normal, Let Yourself Feel it
In a place of hurt, you might try to toughen up and shrug it off. Burying your pain is not the way to cope with it. Later down the road, you will find yourself heavily burdened with the well of hurt you’ve neglectfully stored up. Allow yourself the time to experience every wave of disappointment and rejection. Yes, those aren’t things we want to feel — because they HURT. However, giving yourself the opportunity to go through the emotional process will not only bring you restoration but a strength you’ve never known. If your goal is to come out of this healed, whole and better than ever, you must first accept the journey — tears and all.
Take Time to Reflect, Moments Alone Bring Clarity
There’s something to be said about writing in a journal, taking a walk, or giving yourself a morning to meditate. I know I feel my best after I’ve done one of the above. When you’re struggling through a season of hurt, taking time alone can give you so much perspective. Quieting the noise surrounding you to focus on your thoughts eases your mind and rids it of outside opinions. Make it a priority to set aside space in your schedule for you and your needs. I promise you, you’re going to benefit from it.
Strengthen Your Empathy
Whenever I’ve gone through immense hurt, I remember just how I felt and I let that knowledge carry over into my relationships — in a good way! Trudging through difficult seasons builds endurance and if you let it, empathy. There is one very specific time in my life I can point to that forever changed my capacity to empathize. For months, I felt utterly alone, forgotten and weak to the core. I so desperately wanted and needed a friend to come alongside me and say, “I see your hurt and I am going to love you through this.” While my family was supportive and understanding, I was living two hours away. So, those who knew my deepest pain and picked up my sobbed-filled phone calls weren’t physically close. By the grace and love of Jesus and an ever-thoughtful therapist, I got through it but I won’t forget how I felt when friends carried on with their own lives, completely unaware. This experience shaped me into a more caring and intentional woman who acknowledges when someone is hurting and does something to help. I’m telling you this because even though pain is a beast to get through, it does create some positive results.
Keeping all of this in mind, I want you to know I don’t minimize your pain. You feel the way you feel for a reason and I would never disregard that. If you need someone to talk to or if you’d like me to pray with you, please reach out. We can be pen pals, email companions — whatever you need. I extend myself to you and offer my support. I know this is incredibly hard and intimidating at the moment, but you are not called to do it alone. Surround yourself with those who love you and if you still need a friend, I’m here for you, girl.
Nikki is the owner and founder of Crowned Chics. She lives in the warm desert of Phoenix, Arizona with her beloved family. If she's not ferociously clanking away on her typewriter, she's behind the camera capturing moments for her business Charnstrom Captures Photography.