4 Ways to Let Go of Comparison and Hold onto Joy
BY: NIKKI MICHELLE CHARNSTROM
How often our thoughts are consumed with the belongings and blessings we lack. What we don’t have, another does — that’s just the way the world works. But, we grow obsessed with the idea, in order to be happy in life, we must have everything we desire — even if it isn’t for us. So, we bow down to envy and unleash this terribly ugly part of ourselves we should have just kept hidden to begin with. And, all for what? So deep down we can feel better about our life because we’re at least “holding onto” a dream or goal that sure looks good on someone else — so naturally, it’d look good on us.
I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’ve got it all wrong. You weren’t created and birthed into existence to chase someone else’s dream. Your being, your very soul, was knit together by a beautiful Creator so you could follow YOUR OWN dream. See, comparison comes in like a thief in the night and robs you of everything that makes you, well... YOU.
From personal experience, I know I’m not happy when I suffocate my soul from breathing in the life-giving oxygen of creativity. If I’m too focused on measuring up to standards I’ll sure as heck never meet, I lose sight of what’s valuable — my purpose and reason to create. Being preoccupied with the world’s definition of “artistic” or “unique” only smothers your own interpretations or beliefs. Let me just be real for a minute — the world’s definition of anything is complete and utter garbage. We seriously need to STOP taking cues from everyone else around us. Most of them are so unsure of themselves, they make us question our ability to make decisions.
You don’t need permission or a lame thumbs up to pursue your passion. I’ll tell you a secret... if you’re hoping to reach your greatest potential, you must first stop looking around at what everyone else is doing. That will only steal your joy and put out that flame within you. You’re not serving your passions well if you’re forcing them into a mold. Girlfriend, comparison is the greatest thief and hinderance. If you don’t know how to let it go, I have a bit of advice:
1. Delete social media.
It’s ugly, it’s not real — yet every day we look at perfect models on a beach somewhere, hardworking girlbosses succeeding in their businesses, girls wearing engagement rings, girls with babies in their bellies, and girls who seem to have it all. Behind that facade is a girl just like you, just like me. We’re all human, we all struggle, we all have imperfections. You’re just comparing your low moments to everyone else’s very best. So, do yourself a favor — hit delete, even if it’s just for a time as you heal and find confidence in who you are.
2. Write down your goals.
It’s timely. With the new year just around the corner, what better time to seriously jot down your top 10 goals for 2019? Before you do so, make sure you spend several moments reflecting and thinking on what it is you want. Not what your husband wants. Not what your children want. Not even what your parents want. This is all you, my dear. Make sure 2019 is your time to shine.
3. Appreciate the process.
Life is a roller coaster of joys and disappointments. There’s no changing that, sorry. But, what you can do is see the intention behind every single rise and fall. Imagine getting on a roller coaster and it was just a straight track. No adrenaline pumping climbs or stomach dropping dips. That’d be boring right? YES! So, think of your life as this exciting roller coaster filled with twists and turns and be thankful it’s not a predictable straight shot.
4. Love the hell out of you.
There is only ONE you on this entire freaking earth, woman! That’s worth celebrating, wouldn’t you say? If you’re going to reject comparison and throw envy into the depths of the ocean, you must be in total, stupid love with yourself. So much so that no matter what anyone else says, you will always remain loyal to YOU. There is something admirable about a woman who knows her worth and isn’t shy about it. You’re a queen — it’s time you start believing in your crown.
Nikki is the owner and founder of Crowned Chics. She lives in the warm desert of Phoenix, Arizona with her beloved family. If she's not ferociously clanking away on her typewriter, she's behind the camera capturing moments for her business Charnstrom Captures Photography.