How to Have a God-Honoring Breakup

BY: NICOLE ZYGADLO

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Perhaps this breakup isn’t the end but a new beginning. God found me in my mess and I met Jesus throughout the darkest times of my life. He changed me, when I shifted my perspective onto him. Back in 2015, I wrestled with depression and anxiety after a breakup with a guy who at that point, as far as I was concerned, was the love of my life. There aren’t words to explain all the emotions I rummaged through.

I felt empty, worthless... I felt broken and stressed and had nowhere else to look.

That’s when a friend invited me to a young adults group at a church in the valley. I learned about God’s word — a story that spoke to me was in the book of Jonah… It was fitting this was the first lesson and it has never left me. I tried to escape my own mess for so long until I realized I cannot escape it, I have to face it.

I fought against the grain God had set before me, yet His love never failed to meet me where I was.

I still have my journal from that time, and looking back I hope you take a moment to read Jonah. Find an article that speaks to you and embrace the fact that no matter how “far gone” you may feel, or no matter how deep you may have fallen, you’re never too far for God’s love and grace to meet you right then and there.


The God-Honoring Breakup Guide:

1.    Cry it out

Let all the sadness out, the tears, the pain and disappointment. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of a relationship.

2.    Seek comfort in the right places

Try to seek God’s comfort in this, reach out to people you can look up too and trust. Do not go looking to the bottom of a wine glass to glaze your broken heart. Eat ice cream but don’t expect it to soothe your soul the same way a worship song can.

3.    Pour yourself into a community group

Does your church need more volunteers? Find a youth group or create a women’s group. Honor God by using your talents where they are needed. Weirdly enough, the whole aspect of giving back helps your own soul heal — for my own heart, I found my healing while servicing others. I saw God change my heart in the months that followed heartbreak.

4.    Listen to His word

Read the Bible, find prayers for the broken heart on Pinterest, embrace God’s plan for your life. It doesn’t have to make sense, you just have to trust this new journey in your life.

5.    Talk to God

Sing worship songs, write to God, seek His nearness and He will comfort you. Never stop acknowledging He is here with you.

6.    Never Lose Hope

Understand there is a man that is going to love you FAR more than you could have ever imagined — breakups are stepping stones in life. It took me a long time to step out of my own overthinking to realize my “plan” is not set in stone, my ideas might not be the way God sees my life playing out. Never lose hope and try to embrace the uncertainty.

7.    Gratitude lists

Try to stay positive during this time and realize maybe it is better to have loved than to never have experienced this feeling at all? My biggest piece of advice is to get a notepad and every day just write down three things that make you feel good, or that you are thankful for.

8.    PRAY

Without ceasing.

9.  Try not to ask the “Why?” Questions

This one is a hard one… Do not overwhelm yourself with the “what-if’s” or the “maybe if I.” Focus on what is right in front of you and know life is not happening TO YOU, it is happening FOR YOU.

10.  Repeat all of the above and know you ARE LOVED

Encouraging Scriptures:

  • God is near.

“The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; He saves those who have lost all hope.” Psalm 34:18

  • God will strengthen you.

“You made me suffer a lot, but you will bring me back from this deep pit and give me new life.” Psalm 71:20

  • Trust in the Lord.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Nicole is a full-time Patient Care Tech at a hospital in the lovely town of Flagstaff, Arizona. She loves a good cup of tea and spending time outdoors breathing in the mountain air. You can find her cuddling her cat, spending time with Jesus, and running her Instagram blog.